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Signs Leonardo Dicap..
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16. He gets seasick just by looking at the 'Titanic' theme decorations in the gymnasium.
15. DiCaprio: Sketched Kate Winslet nude on the Titanic. Your date: Whipped out a camcorder in a cheap hotel room.
14. Him: Star of 'Titanic' You: Merely titanic
13. When *he* shouts 'I'm the king of the world!!' it's because he finally found a parking place for the only boat *he's* associated with: his dad's '77 Lincoln Town Car.
12. He's the king of the water fountain next to the bike rack.
11. Leonardo: Annoyed by paparazzi in his face. Your date: Annoyed by pepperoni on his face.
10. Leo: People's '50 Most Beautiful' coverboy. Your date: Write-in candidate Bill Muse.
9. Leo has swarms of beautiful young girls all around him, but your date is swarmed only by common houseflies.
8. By odd coincidence, your bouquet is exactly the same kind of flower that grows in your ditch.
7. Claims he only put on those 300 lb. so he could get the lead role in 'The Chris Farley Story.'
6. When you offer to pose naked for a sketch, he insists you wear an 'Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Star Trek' T-shirt instead.
5. Leo's Mask? Iron. Your date's mask? Leather with a zipper mouth.
4. Leo's tux by Oscar de la Renta. Your date's tux by Oscar de la Meyer.
3. The only thing 'titanic' about him is his libidinous desire to see *your* stern up in the air.
2. Sure, he boycotted the Oscars and he looks hot in his tux, but Leo don't drive no Geo.
and the Number 1 Sign Leonardo DiCaprio is not Your Prom Date...
1. That Titanic zit on his nose makes dancing cheek-to-cheek a dicey proposition at best. |
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