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Jokes Home > True Humor > Old Crabby Advice
Old Crabby Advice
01. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Please, just get the hell out of here and leave me alone.

02. Good judgment comes from bad experience and bad experiences come from what you thought was a good judgment.

03. In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of Incompetence. Work is accomplished by those employees who have yet to reach their level of incompetence.

04. If you want a winning team for the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet at once, not seven people who can jump one foot each and try to mount on top of each other.

05. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. Similar way you can quadruple.

06. Those who can do, cannot teach. Those who can't teach, administer. Those who cannot even administer, finally become successful consultants.

07. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

08. Duct tape is like "the force" with a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

09. Everybody lies. But does it really matter? Nobody listens anyway.

10. Your learning ability goes down when your lips are moving. Faster the lips movement, slower the learning ability.

11. Experience usually arrives late and only after you had just needed it a few moments back.

12. When you direct dial a wrong long distance number, you never get a busy tone.

13. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

14. The challenge in solving of the problem lies in finding the right solvers.

15. If anything can go wrong, it will do so in multiple forms.

16. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

17. No matter whatever happens some wise guy will find a way to take it far too seriously.

18. Important telephone rings when you are on toilet seat without phone.

19. The probability of your meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

20. The Journey of a thousand miles usually begins with broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

21. Great discoveries are made by stupidity of mistakes. Go ahead screw up.

22. A good listener has nodding head and active thinking mind on some other subjects. And you can't fool your wife about it.

23. Who said money can't buy love? Try with more of it you stingy old fool. There is price tag for every thing.

24. It is always dark before dawn, So if you are going to steal your neighbors newspapers, that's time to do it.

25. Promotion is hard for irreplaceable. If you can be replaced than you can be promoted.

26. And don't ever forget, that you are unique just like rest of us here.

27. Friends come and go, but enemies come and stick.

28. Don't lower your both feet in water at the same time to test the depth of water.

29. If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster.

30. If you think nobody cares that you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

31. If you don't succeed at first try, skydiving will never be for you.

32. If in any organization you find one employee who knows what is going on. Gang up and get this bastard fired.
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